WHEN I entered the school for officers’ training in 1971 as a newly married woman I was surprised at the obvious division between married and single cadets. From day one we cadets were divided into three ‘sides’: marrieds, single women and single men. In the chapel the marrieds sat in the middle, the single men sat on the right and the single women sat on the left. And the unwritten expectation upon us was to keep those divisions in our free time too.
I was a ‘married’ in those days - young, naïve and very much in love. Today I am on the ‘singles’ side, arriving there via the process of divorce.

It has taken me four years to be able to say the words, ‘I'm a single officer’ without being ashamed of that title. Let me tell you why.

When my husband left me I was devastated. I was embarrassed. I was hurting. Arriving at my first officers’ retreat without him I looked at the tables and didn’t know where to sit. Where do I fit in now? I’m no longer married but I don’t feel ‘single’ either. When I went to the dining room the tables were all set for an even number of people. ‘Will I ever fit in?’ I wondered.

It is four years now since that first ‘single’ retreat and I have found that marriage, divorce and remarriage isn’t as cut and dry as I once believed.

While the number of divorces is growing I have not been able to find any Salvation Army books on the theology of divorce. I have asked several ‘seasoned’ officers who have mentored me in the past, and none has been able to give me clear counsel. As a result of my questions many of those mentors are rethinking their own past teaching on the subject.

On this journey some books I have found to be helpful are: Marriage, Divorce And Remarriage In The Bible: A Fresh Look At What Scripture Teaches by Jay Edward Adams (ISBN 0310511119) and When He Leaves by Noelle Kari Quinn West (ISBN 0736915869).

So, now armed with Scripture and satisfied that I am Joyce Griffin, God’s chosen vessel, I’m at last ready to say, ‘I am single.’ I am walking in the path of many wonderful single women officers who have gone before me and I am in the good company of many single women officers who love their life the way it is.

by Major Joyce Griffin

Joyce Griffin is Divisional Director of Learning Zones, Assistant Women’s Ministries Secretary, Northeast Ohio, USA Eastern Territory

NOTE: This topic is regularly addressed at sessions of the International College for Officers. Also, there are two relevant chapters in Strong Doctrine, Strong Mercy as well as other material in New Love - both books by General Shaw Clifton

Reprinted with permission from The Officer, September/October 2006