A woman who simply signs herself as "Pointless in Zion, Illinois" began her letter to advice columnist Ann Landers with this description of herself: "I am an intelligent, attractive, articulate, vivacious divorced woman under 40. I have a great career and make good money, own a nice home and car and wear designer clothes. Everyone loves me because I'm outgoing and extremely funny. So what's my problem? I don't enjoy living, and it would be okay with me if I didn't wake up tomorrow morning."
Pointless in Zion went on to explain that she suffered from depression when she was younger. However, when her son was born he gave her a reason to enjoy life. "Now that he is grown, I can't find a reason to live. I have had no success in relationships ... and I don't see any point in going on. Please help me."
As a minister I have witnessed times when life becomes an emotional and spiritual battleground for people. The sheer joy of living is painfully absent and in its place is a deep, dark, growing despair. Rather than exist in the land of the living, these people find themselves in the land of the dying. Even following this biblical advice is difficult: "Be strong and take heart ... all you who hope in the Lord" (Ps. 31:24). What does a person do when it's hard to hope? Here are four steps to take when life is hard and hope is rapidly decreasing.
1. Remember the serenity prayer. Many years ago, Reinhold Niebuhr, a minister and seminary professor, wrote these words which have come to be called the serenity prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." That brief prayer has become tremendously popular because it contains practical wisdom reminding us not to waste valuable emotional energy battling what cannot be altered. It reminds us to harness our efforts to restructure and rebuild our lives through difficult times.
Barbara Bartocci realized she needed to accept what she could not change in order to move on. During the Vietnam War a Navy chaplain brought her the devastating news that her husband John, a fighter pilot, had been killed in Vietnam. His death left her a young widow and the single parent of three small children. "John's death marked the beginning of hundreds of changes in my life, big and small," she recalls.
About a year after John's death, Barbara says she was extremely despondent and yearning for all she had lost. "I wanted to run away from the new responsibilities," she recalls. "One morning, a juice glass shattered on the kitchen floor. I stared at the broken fragments and burst into tears. 'My life is like this glass,' I thought, 'shattered into pieces.' Then, a startling image popped into her mind. It was of her church's stained glass window made up of broken pieces of glass. That image brought her a healing insight. "I realized I could create a new reality out of the shattered pieces of my life. It wouldn't be the same one John and I had shared, but it could still be beautiful."
2. Speak the Word “Help†to GOD Whenever you are feeling overwhelmed, confused, upset, frightened, despairing, use the word HELP, Lord, "Help me."
"More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of," wrote the poet Alfred Tennyson. When a man left his wife and five-year-old son one day without explanation, the devastated boy pleaded with his mother to tell him why.
The woman had no answer. In frustration she said simply, "I'm not the person who can explain this. You need to talk with God about it." Immediately the little boy folded his hands and prayed aloud:
"God help me. Please send my father home." He repeated that prayer until he fell asleep in his mother's arms that night. A few hours later both of them were roused by the sound of a car coming into their driveway. "That's my daddy," the little boy shouted.
The man explained how something had tugged at his conscience and urged him to live up to his responsibilities. That child is now 27. His father never left home again.
3. Bombard yourself with faith building scriptures. When hope becomes a mere flickering candle in your life and is about to become extinguished, fan the flicker with spiritually strengthening scriptures. Review, recite and repeat texts such as these to yourself:
I will guard and support you (Is. 42:6).
I know you can do anything (Job 42:2).
Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with
God everything is possible (Matt. 19:26). -Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be
dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you (Is. 41: 10).
Those who trust in the Lord ... will not be defeated (Ps. 125:1).
Reciting these biblical promises of aid will fortify and strengthen the spirit as well as calm and restore the mind.
4. Tap into joy. "Joy brings hope and hope brings joy," writes Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Finding Joy: 101 Ways To Free Your Spirit. "Imagine joy as a memory dwelling with you ... let yourself know it is always there. Sometimes we lose contact with that voice and feel despair. In those times, if we can remember that the potential for joy lives within us, we may regain hope and find the strength to take the steps to improve our lives." Dr. Davis Kasl also recommends taking the time to remember the good things you have done for yourself in the past, the risks taken, the way in which you have survived, the joy and contentment you have experienced. "Hold these images in your heart and tell yourself you can recreate them. You have the power to create happiness in your life-the potential for joy is within you."
By fighting for yourself you will restore hope in your life and give God time to work out His plans for you. You will travel through the darkest night and the deepest valley. Darkness and despair will give way to light and hope again. You will share in the joy of the Psalmist who wrote: "Happy are those ... whose hope is in the Lord their God" (Ps. 146:5).
by Victor Parachin, Tulsa, Oklahoma